Resist ordinary - you were born to soar!
It sure feels like I have been here before... soar vs sore. If I have contemplated those two words before, I don't think I would have been looking from the same perspective I have today.
It is easier to distinguish a "sore" spot than a growing pain. They feel different, I suppose.
How does it seem that childhood and adulthood seem to flip-flop? Growing up, I took everything that was different about me and made it what made me soar... above others, above diversity, above disabilities, above inabilities, above expectations, above perceptions, above faith, above dreams, ambitions and strong-will.
But, now as forty-something, I look at the things that are different about me... and become sore. It seems so backwards. Other people go through growing pains when they are younger and now seem to be well-rounded in their journeys - despite how big or small their growing pains where (or despite what they were).
Yesterday, I was sitting with my children eating lunch. I made a passing comment about something that had been said or something that I had observed... I can't remember exactly what my comment was. However... I do remember my oldest saying, "Well, you always see everything differently than everyone else." My spirit was pierced... did she say that out loud?!? Although she hadn't said anything wrong and she wasn't trying to be inconsiderate... I felt as though I were the 14 year old at that moment (not probably having felt that way when I was 14 the first time). I sank in my chair... I was in shock (and hurt) at her observation - more because I knew it was true.
I used to pride myself on being different! Maybe it was the only way I could feel comfortable or drive myself to accomplish things that were beyond my reach? I created my own little world covered any sense that being "different" was a "bad" thing. (Although, I have always despised being referred to as "special"... but, not different.)
Being a "different" child was fine... being a "different" young adult was probably even better. But! I don't want to be a "different" mom --- not a "special" mom. I don't want my kids to be embarrassed because I'm not able to communicate the way I should or others expect me to. I don't want my kids to grow up unorganized because my process of accomplishing tasks is so skewed and foreign to most. I don't want my kids to be "strange" to others because they mirror my ways of functioning, surviving, learning or interacting with others.
It's OK to be different, right? It is a question for you and me to really take a hold of... seek purpose in. I am confident in the face that the "differences" I have constructed and collected during the years have kept me sane, functioning and full of imagination. Being "different" has it's positive sides of seeing and hearing differently...
So, during these growing pains, it is time for me to stand an resist the ordinary... resist the temptation of feeling inferior, stupid or insufficient. Trauma and abuse steal what we were born to be... today is the day to face the growing pains and soar.
P.S. I cannot tell you how many times while typing this entry I spelled "sour" instead of "soar"... appropriate, sad and funny all at the same time.